Iâ€™m happy to have Tio Wally (long-time Me So Hungry reader) aboard to send in his eating adventures from across America. Here he is in Springville, Utah.
Greetings from Springville, Utah
N 40Â° 11.173â€™Â W 111Â° 36.661â€™Â Elev. 4561 ft.
If you sail the Interstates for a living, eating fast food is an inevitability. Eventually you will be tired enough or hungry enough or it will be the only thing available or whatever. Itâ€™s going to happen. While I avoid fast food as much as possible, sometimes there are actually good things to be had, occasionally at a reasonable price.
Hereâ€™s another example:
I often make fun of McDonaldâ€™s, usually by calling it McDoucheâ€™s or making references to its â€œevil clownâ€ or some such. Why? Two reasons: Its McRestaurants are frighteningly ubiquitous â€” Q: How do you locate a McDonaldâ€™s? A: Throw a rock. â€” and itâ€™s just so McDamn McEasy.
But even Ronaldâ€™s McMafia does some things right, like … slowlyÂ KILL YOU!Â Donâ€™t believe me? Watch Morgan Spurlockâ€™s disturbing and nauseating documentary â€œSuper Size Meâ€ to remove all doubt.
It also does a few other, less Dangerous-To-Your-Health things right. One of them is Big Mac Sauce. Iâ€™m lovin it!â„¢ While Iâ€™m not really a fan of the egregiously overpriced Big Mac sandwich, the sauce is another story. I have been know to buy the $1 McDouble and have them add Big Mac Sauce even though they charge (20Â¢-35Â¢) extra for it. Freakinâ€™ clowns!
Another is its McCafe McRegular McCoffee. I find McDoucheâ€™s, er, McDonaldâ€™s coffee to be quite consistently good. In fact, I think itâ€™s much better than Starbucks, and the most expensive ones cost less-than half the price. And while it isnâ€™t Dunkinâ€™ DonutsÂ good, itâ€™s a hell of a lot less risky than most any other place you might visit.
(Remember: Landing the yacht can be a huge hassle and very time-consuming, and thatâ€™s when you can find space. Getting crappy coffee out of the deal can make for a very, very, very long, sad voyage to the next port of call.)
The McClownâ€™s McCoffee pricing can be kind of strange though. At some places McCoffee is $1 regardless of size. Other McRestaurants will charge as much as $1.79 for a large. Whatâ€™s up with that, Ron? Itâ€™s the McSame McFreakinâ€™ McCoffee.
However I have a way around McDonaldâ€™s seemingly arbitrary McPricing: If itâ€™s more than a buck for a large I order two senior (small) coffees. But this method, too, can be fascinating, but only if it doesnâ€™t backfire completely. For example, the McDonaldâ€™s in Ottawa, Kansas charges only a quarter â€” 25Â¢! â€” for a senior McCoffee; some other McRestaurant somewhere once charged me 89Â¢ each for senior McCoffees which turned out to be more than the cost of a large. Freakinâ€™ clowns!
But by far the best value from Ray Krocâ€™s McClown McWorld is its Sausage Breakfast Burrito. Theyâ€™re made with scrambled egg, cheese, sausage, and red and green bell pepper, all wrapped in a flour tortilla. Throw a little of their Hot Picante Sauce on it â€” which is surprisingly good â€” and youâ€™ve got a pretty decent little low-cost food tube.
While the burritos are uniformly priced at $1 they can be inconsistent filling-wise; they are all made in-house which explains the discrepancies. Still, they are all good.
But surely the best thing about McDonaldâ€™s Sausage Breakfast Burrito is that itâ€™s easy to hold as you hurtle a 40-ton land yacht through a sea of heavy traffic. (â€œAhoy, A-holes, move along! Canâ€™t you see Iâ€™m trying to eat here?! You freakinâ€™ clowns!!!!â€)
And so we roll.
Tio Wally pilots the 75-foot, 40-ton(max) land yacht SS Me So Hungry. He reports on road food from around the country whenever parking and InterTube connections permit.