Dang, I loved my time at Medieval Times. It was seriously awesome. I don’t ever remember having so much fun within a dining experience.

Chris got us tickets to Medieval Times. It was reduced admission with some proceeds going to Sandy victims. It was only around $30 per person. It looks like it’s usually $60, but there’s always coupons knocking it down to around $40. You just have to browse around their website for the promotions.

It was a pretty quick ride from Manhattan into New Jersey. We got there right when it all started. The place was huge. I thought they were lip syncing to a CD. But it was really the M.C. talking in his mic. His voice was so strong and bold. I was impressed.

There were pitchers on the table and was about to pour myself a glass of water. Good thing I didn’t. The waiter came around and poured it into our bowls. It was Tomato Bisque Soup. That would have been a surprise if I thought I was sipping on water. Soup was surprisingly tasty.

Then they came around with nice big slice of Garlic Bread. That was so good. Probably the best thing …and I don’t mean that to diss the other food. It was just good Garlic Bread.

Then we got a big half Roast Chicken –tender and seasoned. Herb Basted Potato – uh, alright. BBQ Spare Rib – tendy and sweet barbecue sauce. All surprisingly pretty decent food. Much better than I was expecting …and a lot of it.

Dessert was a like a Apple Turnover pastry. It was okay. But I was stuffed by that point.

They also gave me two big mugs of soda, which I mixed with airplane bottles of liquor I snuck in. I didn’t mean to be a cheat. I just didn’t realize they sold beer and alcohol. I bought a beer to make it up. Pretty good price. I think around $5-6 that comes in a decent size 3D lenticular souvenir cup. I was expecting it to be $8-12 honestly, so that was a great deal.

Free coffee even after I said didn’t want it, but then did ask for it later.

All this while this awesome show was going on, with knight and horses and a flying falcon. It was pretty insane. But in the end, it turned out we were rooting for the wrong guys. It was like a surprise twist ending, where we realize that the King is a dick and the Princess is a bitch. Seriously, they were whipping the evil bad guy at the end while they were locking him away. Wok the heck?

At the end of the show, everyone was hanging out in the lobby, buying stuff at the many gift shop counters, and getting more drunk with their kids. I was in the restroom and I swore I thought I heard some kid say, “Dad, we’re out of beer!” And then when I walked out of the restroom, I saw the cutest thing. Two tiny boys sword fighting and next to them, two tiny girls in princess outfits sword fighting with their roses.

Seriously, I really think Medieval Times is the best restaurant I’ve ever been to. Maybe the food isn’t so amazing, but it’s not bad for what is it. It’s the total package though. I’m just thinking of all the fancy restaurants I’ve been to and really, fuck those places. It just doesn’t appeal to me. You eat fancy food in a dim room and then you forget about it. You know what is awesome is yelling at the top of your lungs, getting drunk and watching knights hit each other and a falcon flying around the arena above your head while you eat chicken with your fingers. That’s just the most fun I’ve ever had dining. …if only they did all that at Gordon Ramsey’s restaurants.

Medieval Times – 149 Polito Ave. Lyndhurst, NJ 07071

15 Responses

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